Often some unfathomable emotions cling to us, like a burden on our shoulders or an access baggage that we carry within us. These emotions are often not describable. Or an attempt to describe them seem ludicrous as we are not aware of those emotions since they lie somewhere in our subconscious. That’s how I feel most of the time. All that I might need to describe so to help myself in gaining a better perspective, is all in a haze somewhere. I can’t really pin point and say; ‘There, right there, that’s where it all got wrong.’ Though I wish I knew. I wish I knew where I lost my track and never regained it. Where I started bottling up, which door led me to this unfamiliar place where I’ve been living for so long yet not know my way out.
I’ve been venting and expressing mostly through my poems but recently have decided to write as well, I’ve been writing earlier too but never to just express how exactly I feel. Even when I write poems, I cover up my emotions and feelings because maybe I myself am afraid to face them. But I’ve vowed not to be scared anymore. I’ve vowed to face the fears, grieve my past as much as I want to but Not to stay oblivious anymore. Denying that a bullet is coming towards me won’t make the bullet return, it’ll still come at me and take my soul away. If I won’t make an effort to duck at the right time, I won’t survive.
That’s what I need to do. Survive.
So here’s hoping that this year will be my last year of these bottled up emotions. I’ll take them out gradually, without the fear of who’s hand they will run into. I will open them up, because I won’t be afraid. And I will Survive.
Here, I Vent Out! 